Oh to Hell with It

I haven’t been blogging for so long, part of me misses it and yet another part makes me sob in all the lost opportunities that have passed. I know I made a commitment and have failed, and this failure is just condescending to me. It’s been weeks that I’ve told myself “Get up, and get going record your life like what you’ve plan, after all it hasn’t ended yet.” And yet, I’ve grown weak and rather passed the opportunity to do so. I can’t believe I’m failing my own advice to “Just Go.”

Midlife Crisis?

Life has been unexplainable, and that isn’t a compliment. I feel like I’m out of direction and more of a misplaced cog that functions. My love for my work is dispelled and now I’m wondering where am I supposed to be, and here I am still in a wanderlust on a possible a midlife crisis. I’ve been haven’t been achieving the standards set on me, I’ve been doing poorly on performance and that goes to say with my discipline as well, if I were to put my situation on a wheel, I’d say I’m quite feeling that dirt right now.

Thankfully, I’ve been reading the Word and I’ve been getting inspiration on it. It becomes my fuel to work, actually more than just work life. Although I have to admit there are cases in which I pass the chance to do so, but in the end I’m glad I end up depleted to remind me of my situation and my supposed to be reliance on communication to Him. I don’t know where I’m at, I don’t understand me, but it makes me a little glad I’m understood.

Lemony Wonder

On the plus side, I’ve been doing a self imposed exploration diet which is working quite well for me. Freshly squeezed lemon is the secret ingredient and after 2 weeks, I’ve lost 8 pounds. I’ve lessened rice consumption on weekdays and choose to substitute it with peas, corn and carrots. I’ve also been eating more fruits rather than chips or crackers (i.e: Apple, Banana or Pears). But lately I’m not sure with my decision, I’ve found a rounder face rather suiting for my facial structure rather than my awkwardly edgy feature. I’ve started this expedition as to loose my belly fat but I guess it does need more extreme physical activities, lesson learned: diet doesn’t shed away beer bellies.

Night Shift Team

Currently a few of the people in the team are burning the midnight oil, a good handful work past midnight since they are sincerely more productive and accomplish more tasks without the sun’s harsh and malicious need for glimmer. It’s nice to see that my teammates aren’t just in for themselves with the job, they pursue a second mile in building a company that makes search better for the generations to come — they make challenge me to become better from my current sacrifices and enthusiasm to produce results.

My only worry is the fact that tending to stay up for too long increases the risk of depression, which can spiral down to a lot of things but above all: see everything negatively. I just hope this is only an phase rather than a standard practice, I never liked seeing the team in a state of low and broken spirits and what’s worse is the possibility to mask it all perfectly while submerging with pessimism and anarchy without help.

Vanity and Humor

Two of the things that are rampant today to give you authority other than having a talent for a skill. I can say honestly I’m pretty vain, I have a lot of reliance on my physical image, I desire to be admired based on how i present myself to others. I guess this might be a fruit of the constant degradation I got from as a kid from my family, it’s not so bad though, I grew to have more pick and filter on the clothes that end up in my closet and my body. I know its a very cliche interest, but I do plan on putting up a clothing blog someday, to just record the everyday apparels I have combined with love and enthusiasm, and hopefully be admired.

It’s been said that 2014 is the year of humor, a lot of people have raised to fame due to hilarious tweets, videos and vines. I know I don’t have the best humor, but I also have a lot of fear in painting myself stupid, fear to a point that I’m obviously not pursuing such endeavor but part of me wonders… is there a chance? Well I guess that’s one possibility that will just end up in my “What ifs”, and I’m at peace with it.

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