Genesis of 2015

I met a player in a game, he played excellently with an open attitude plus in game cosmetics to match his style, I was impressed of his overall performance. After getting an exchange of friend requests, we proceed to chatter about the game. First, we discussed in game mechanics: character tricks, techniques, performance critiques, and what not. Warming up a little more, we proceeded to talk about our lives: education, dreams, fancies, girls etc. I grew fond of him, it’s a good friendship.

Zhy Bariont

A few days later, I noticed a hint of sadness in our conversation, just a tiny bit but detectable nonetheless. It was shrugged upon, I didn’t want to pry. Breadcrumbs started to fall from his words, I followed the trail, but I was left with a dead-end as he had to visit his doctor. Later that morning, when I wasn’t logged at our communication application, I was left with the message it was cancer.

I was talking to a 17 year old boy with cancer.

Sadness was a puzzle piece to the whole picture I never had an idea of. He was playful, admiring and a good listener, who would’ve thought someone so young was carrying such a heavy burden? Trusting me with his little secret, I’ve come to realize, fear, death and loneliness was knocking at his door all along and he was never brave enough to come close, neither does he have anyone to answer it for him: both parents are on a different country, with only the caretaker to make sure he feels alright. Tonight, he gets confined in the hospital. I’ll only be able to talk to him after four months if he survives the therapy.

Even with my optimism about his situation, I can’t help but get scared of losing a person I’ve met in this world. No matter if I’ve only known him via the pixels on my screen, to think that a character in existence would be absent for the rest of my life, shakes me to my core. Emotions start to engulf my breathing and I’m drowning while no one sees. I wish, I could’ve at least made sure that I would see him on the other side if ever, and I’m regretful of it, I lost an opportunity.

I don’t want him to be a lost opportunity.


I still have so many things I haven’t written that happened in the last year, my meal at Black Pig, the Christmas party at BNB, SEOHacker’s, UXPH2014, FFC2014 and a whole lot more. I feel bad that I got too lazy to blog, I want this to be rolling forward not basking in its history. It’s sad and I’m here to renew my resolve, things have to change with me. Less gaming, more blogging.

2014 is an established point in my life thanks to my brother. I’ve come to experience financial stability and comfort, the chance to take challenges, handle different kinds of people and problems. The responsibility was immense and just kept raining through the roof, it changed me, transitioned me to a different being, better I hope. If ever I would have to categorize last year between good or bad, I’d definitely drop it in the positive bin.

December Breeze

Having to leave the computer for about 2 weeks felt like a cold refreshing breeze to my existence, I wasn’t focused on games or chores. All I had, was myself, my life and my family to think about. In one of my nightly lone walks, I’ve come to realize at one point in my reflection that where I am now is not my desire, nor does my heart follow, and Im forcing myself just to settle with the waves. The benefits are good and so is the pay, but I just don’t see myself this way, I can feel me being so much more and I feel cramped and squeezed. Problem is, I still have yet to have a clear vision myself, so I’m stuck and most of the time, I get too busy to find out my future.

My birthday is coming soon, and my family especially my dad and lil sis, had the great mercy to buy me an advance gift I craved: an external flash for my camera. I’m hoping this year I would get to shoot more people, in the categories of fashion and form. I want to capture emotions more than colors so I might have a season of monochrome. I want to fall in love with photography and not treat it as just a hobby anymore.

Heart Bites

I’ve recently attended a wedding just last Saturday. To see the happiness of two souls as they get joined in a holy ceremony truly is captivating to the inner being, I can’t help wonder “When will it be my turn?” Watching the story of how they met, developed and how they credit the orchestration to the only Supreme being, it was a story to behold.

To say I’m not jealous that they had found true love would be a lie, and deep inside I know I long for someone to cherish my life with and that I’m hoping that I’d come to know her soon.

Fasting: Slow down

Its a routine that every year, our church would come to request a fast to all its attendees, and this year, I want to participate. I’ve come to realize I’m spiraling lower and lower from who I am according to the principles of my beliefs. So, in a few days, I would come to offer less of me in existence and more room to fill me up. I’m lost, I know it, and I need a renewal. I’m taking the initiative to make this new beginning right. I need it to be right.

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