How to be a better Disappointment

This weekend (inclusive of Friday) I was met with a lot of failures regarding my role as a manager and a team leader in my company. From cutting off work operations without notice to not providing a polished task, all my mistakes filled me like a casket waiting to be buried underground.

The prelude to the catastrophe

Who am I? I am a man that has worked for my own company and the digital industry for 5 years, from it’s inception till today, I have stayed and toiled in cooperation to build our God graced company. I have multiple developing skills and expertise ranging from: web design, development, user experience, CRO, photography and team management. The salary that has been offered to me ranges in 6 digits from our currency. Yes I am proud of my credentials and I have authority in my field but guess what was my mistake that broke me down?

I forgot to upload the image folder of the theme I updated.

Yes, I still have my shortcomings. You might think my portfolio is impressive, but please know that even when I try hard to push my best foot forward, I can still make mistakes. If you’re expecting you to be as smooth as cream cheese on bagel just because you’re far beyond the thousands in the field, you’re wrong.

You will be a disappointment

Fact of the matter is, all of us, no matter how good you are already in your craft or profession, there will be a time where you fail from the expectations of others or worse, yourself.

I was already in a state of paranoia when I in panic discounted our office hours by 30mins without approval of my brother, I already anticipated the consequences of my irresponsibility in putting my concern over the office when there was a clear workaround. Then the time came when he called and had to reprimand me for my incoherent decision,

It still hit me like a round house kick to my pride.

While that was a huge damage to my weekend, it wasn’t the last blow, and how this is worse is that I never expected what’s coming. Again as I’ve stated back, I have missed one of the most basic task and fundamental in developing a site: uploading the elements and it hurts like hell to be that irresponsible of failing to complete this due.

Reaction vs Response

  1. I don’t like being bothered on my weekend about business related matters
  2. I’m at a level where I don’t want to be branded with such level of failure
  3. I am an authority and my acts have their own benefit to ones that are affected

These are the first few things that come to mind with the following situation. Fact of the matter is, I never responded to Sean on any of his effort to communicate to me because I was too pissed or exasperated on that weekend to chug a load of stress.

The first mishap happened on a Friday evening while the second bass drop happened on a Sunday afternoon:

When you updated the theme of the site all front end images went missing. I checked the images folder of the theme, there was nothing. I had to restore each from archive.org to fix it. Rankings went down. Very disappointing.

While I was out Christmas shopping with my sister and receiving that text, I was doing my best to hold it all in and spending the day. But as soon as night came and we’re done and at home, I broke down into tears.

It was so easy to react, to rebel and to think irrationally against him. I had so much thought to make me feel like I was a victim and he was an abuser, reasons like:

  1. I was only forced into this occupation and I never wanted this job.
  2. I am unhappy and this is only but a consequence of your lack of empathy for my being and passion
  3. You’ve changed and you’re not treating me in the way I deserve
  4. I quit after all, you just think of me as a disappointment.

It was so easy to reason in my favor, but after shedding some tears, pushing all the emotions away, reflecting on the situation and making a better logical assumption, it all boils down to one fact:

The only reason I got any reaction or attention is not because he’s searching for ways to blame me but because my effort and/or end product was flawed and shows visible tarnish that ripples out to the brand. In short, it’s not him, its me. I am the cause, he was only the consequence and his target was not my character or personality but my professionalism.

Conclusion: He was and had every right.

Responding to it, I chose to stay quiet and accept his disappointment and make it mine. Yes, I am disappointed at myself and I took it as a challenge and opportunity to improve.

There’s a wonderful quote online that states:

If you focus on the hurt you will continue to suffer, if you focus on the lesson you will continue to grow.

Now, in just 1 day after, I am fine with a resolve. I’ve accepted that I will be a disappointment and be disappointed, but I made the decision to be better everytime I encounter such situation. I can make a thousand reasons to refuse change, to divert it, but one reason to improve is the harder but definitely the better trade in the long run.

Want to be just a disappointment?

Be the victim, avoid the blame and defend yourself from the consequences of your choice. Hide behind the comfort of a one-track minded crowd and attack the relationship and/or philosophy you have with your perceived villain.

Then you can feel good, stay with your status and bask in your fulfillment to be justified.

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