It comes of no surprise that the opposite to paralysis is action. Well, even against thoughts, action still beats the intellect.
Ever had the anxiety of sending an email or starting a long activity such as writing? Thought paralysis comes in two events for me, the starting of which when I plan to do something challenging or midway when I don’t have the momentum to ride on and finish till the end. When I get lost on a train of thought, I get ditched in a dessert of doubt. And doubt is what starts all of the inaction.
What if my work is not enough?
What if I get scolded?
What if my choice isn’t the right decision?
What if I don’t finish it?
These are few of the things that make me stop writing and just pass on to a non productive escape such as watching a video or going to social media. The thing is, the problem would never solve itself. It’s not going to get any better if you finish it now than later, especially when it’s a task that doesn’t need creativity or data, only a response from it’s conception.
If you’re having a hard time solving a multitude of tasks, I can relate to you. As someone recovering from a burn out and some lazy momentum: one way to have a steam going is to set 1 major goal and 2 minor ones for the day. A major goal is what’s going to take you probably 2 hours or more and minor would take you 1 at most. It is important that you feel a sense of achievement to get you motivated. To be clear, achievement is not solving a problem through underhanded tactics, that’s a cheap thrill. You may have the acknowledgement and attention now, but you definitely did not do anything good for yourself. Achievement is achieved through hard work and repetition, and do these things in repetition and the hard work and achievement gets addicting.
In the book 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins – a definite must read for people like me, if you’re in a moment where you seem like you’re avoiding a productive moment, count your way from 5,4,3,2,1 and just do it. Because in the end, some productivity is better than none at all. Trust me on this, there’s never going to be an end on the things you should do, what differs is only how much you are willing to do for the day.
The Best Camera Is The One You Always Have With You
The first time I was introduced to photography, was when I was in college and learning about it. Taking photos weren’t a trendy thing yet, instagram wasn’t a trend and so were influencers and amassing a huge following; Cameras were still on high budget to purchase. After getting one as a gift for my studies from my dad, I dreaded the subject due to my misalignment with its art. I’m not the kind that likes studio shots but it is what we were made to learn. It was my most despised class in my course.
Of course the use of the camera prolonged further than just educational use. I was invited by my dad everytime to bring it to our adventures. Whether it’s to go on a relative’s birthday, a local trip to the provinces of the Philippines or overseas. I lugged that mechanism around my neck trying to savor the trip both as experience as well as photos. After carrying it around in so many trips, I’d soon realized it was less of a token and more of a baggage in the way i intake moments. Not only does it keep bumping to my chest every single walk, I was paranoid that it would hit something and deform it’s function due to its size. Nothing about it entices me to carry it as a perk.
I left that camera to the dust as the rise of phone photography got into the days. My mom never needed high resolution photos, and we rarely printed one due to the digital storage capacity that’s trending in the way we save memories.
EXPERIENCING MICRO FOUR THIRDS (MFT/M43)
Fast forward to after graduation, I went into the mall to find the Olympus brand sporting a digicam sized technology but with lenses that can be swapped. This piqued my interest very fervently. The size of the body was smaller than my hand in terms of length and was so thin it would fit in my pocket jeans, it was crazily mind blowing at that time. I researched days for it’s top of the line model that fits my need, and then on October 2012 my posession of OMD EM-5 began.
Small, compact and hard as a tank, the OMD Em-5 could be used as a murder weapon and still take great photos. I have been through enough terrain to put it to the test and knowing me, I’m not the kind that’s careful with his belongings. Yet it still lives and breathe life to my vision, without a single hint of age in performance. The number of beauty i have captured, memories I’ve gathered and the smiles I’ve seen through the lens and through the preview of the photos is immense.
How did I do it? Simple, because I could take it everywhere.
As a prime user, I had the comfort to bring three lenses to my adventures without sacrificing space a DSLR lens would’ve taken. My favorite go-to’s for reference is the: Olympus 45mm f1.8, Panasonic 20mm f1.7 and the Samyang 7.5mm f3.5. Because of the portability I easily had the option to switch based on the scene, if the background was beautiful a 7.5mm fisheye and if it’s a portrait moment the 45mm. If I’m looking for inspiration? The 20mm. The 20mm is a pancake lens: the compact size of it makes it so easy to put in a loose pocket or a bag without having to worry to bring it up fast to steal a moment in time.
THE DOWNFALL OF A PASSION
But then in December 2015, I was enticed to move at Fujifilm due to it’s larger sensor and it’s wonderful film filters, that’s so subtle, it’s magic. I thought I had the momentum going, loving in taking snaps and having some eye for beauty if not the luck for it. Generally based from my photos, you would see I favor the wide lens more than a portrait one, or even street. So I got the xt-10 and the elusive 16mm f1.4 with a friend’s help.
While I did love to carry it around the street taking photos of the people around and the moments, I slowly curbed into taking photos less and less. First, I was wondering if it was just me losing inspiration, I believed it is. With the mix of focus on work and some probable extended quarter life crisis, in about May 2016 I succumbed into passing photography as a phase.
That is, until I picked up my OMD Em-5 again.
After shooting with my old friend, I finally realized it wasn’t because I just lost it, but because I hated the luggage: the root of my bane for photography. Now, as the OMD Em-5 has too old features (cough Wifi live shooting) for me to work optimally, I’ve bought the PEN-F with the undeniable help of my brother Sean through words and finance. It was through his encouragement that I’ve taken the leap and I have absolutely no regrets about it. It pays to have someone who believes in what you can do with the right tools.
Maybe it’s my bad choice of lens for Fuji that really created the huge gap of experience. I honestly don’t know if getting the 23mm would make it any different. We’ll never know unless they sponsor me one. But don’t get me wrong: Fujifilm cameras are wonderful, if it works for you: I’m all for your preference. But get this, if it’s a camera you would rather leave at home, it’s probably a bad one. For me and my type, the build of Olympus is definitely where my eyes and hands feel at home.
I can elaborate the specifications and all the comparisons but there’s a number of sources that’s already posted in the internet for your reference. After all, before I made this switch, I definitely did my study. If you have any questions, ask it in the comments. I’ll do my best to answer. I was pitting the PEN-F against the X100f and x70, but in the end there’s probably a huge unconscious bias for me. I would like to someday taste the fixed lens camera though, but I guess not today. Not when my hands do not have the Olympus brand in it’s fingers.
So as you all may know I’ve been into taking photographs for some time and I have gathered a lot of shots here and there that I’ve never posted from adventures with family and friends of which I thoroughly enjoy. Well rather than keeping it all to myself and either ending in the dustbin or just in a backup drive, I’ve decided to release and share it to the public and maybe it could help with some of your projects instead.
I’ve already bought a CDN to store my files so it doesn’t chunk my hosting with the MB’s of JPEGs straight from the cam, the site design is getting developed and my photos are getting organized. Images will definitely be given free of charge but I hope to place an option to donate so you can help with my initiative and also add to the collection if you want. I’ll be sure to give a link back to your site or email when it gets approved. :)
So here’s to a new project that makes me feel a little more alive lately.
In other news:
Last few days ago, was the first time I possibly felt a sleep paralysis: wherein my chest felt heavy and I couldn’t breathe in sync with my body. Arms can’t move no matter how hard I struggle and same with my eyelids. It has been said that the chances of experiencing that is increased when lying on your back. Well… I’ve always liked lying on my left side.
In response to my recent post about being empty of life, there was an outpour of encouragement and empathy from similar individuals that experience the same thing. It was both enlightening and comforting on knowing I’m not alone. To all of you, thanks for reaching out to me, I really appreciate it.
Yet snuggling to a bunch of lost people isn’t exactly the best position to be in.
One conversation particularly struck me with the phrase:
(do the) “fake it til you make it” principle and you surround yourself with people sharing the same passion
(Shoutout to Rinz Ruiz!)
Quite honestly, I find it so hard to fake it when I can smell my own bull- expunging from my results but here’s to trying. One thing I’ve learned so far in my past quarter life crisis existence: The people who’re full of life learned to live beyond their suffering. Maybe it’s time I do some weight lifting and go beyond my bounds, do something stupid and something I’ve always cringed to try but find interest in.
This, I guess is a time to trade fear and shame for risks and do. Afterall, I have very little to lose at this point… that and maybe some “friends”.
I dedicate this adventure to everyone experiencing the same thing. To the lost, finding and trying; To the people who never gave up: Here’s to you and me, to our journey in finding buried treasures we’ve yet to uncover.