Messengers with a Mission

Imagine, you went to the clinic with your friend who got a diagnosis of a lethal disease but a curable one. Thing is, the doctor confided in you because he sees your maturity in handling the matter and the level of trust you are endowed. The doctor informs you of the medicine, the dosage and the frequency and sees you off, entrusting to you the future of someone who trusts you to know what’s the best for them.

You think, “Eh, it’s too early to tell them yet, the symptoms aren’t that bad yet, maybe it will get better.”

You delay it a little bit longer and see their appearance get worse but they’re still able perform their daily routine.

You think “Oh it’s getting better because the pain isn’t as bad anymore as they say.” You never assumed the idea that maybe they got immune to the pain.

Weeks after, you go back to the doctor. He asks you “Have you told them?” to which you reply “Not yet, the pain seemed to have subsided. I thought they might be recovering.” To which the doctor responded “Because of all this, the disease has spread and the chances are now slim to treat.”

The doctor proceeds to tell your friend their status and their options. They take their chance for the treatment and it fails.

Most critical matters are more than what the eyes can see.

—————

Is it the doctor’s fault that the message wasn’t delivered to the patient? Probably.

Is it your job to evaluate things if it’s better or worse? Probably you can, but not as much as the doctor’s.

Is it your responsibility to have told your friend the option to make them better? Absolutely.

Are you blameless when all things fall down because the doctor should have told them in the first place directly? No.

You know the people you are with, better. Contextually and emphatically, you can deliver the message best with urgency. If you feel you could not bear to take responsibility as a messenger, don’t pretend to be one. Pass the message to someone who can for we are all messengers with a mission everyday.

We are all gatekeepers of information, secrets and knowledge that can destroy or build someone up. Messages that come our way either in the spirit of fulfillment, trust or by chance happen for a reason. There is rarely a point worth discussing that has no power to change a person for the better or worse. But know this, a painful message is not exclusively meant to destroy a person, it can be to align their attitude to the greater good, and in the same way, a pacifist approach will not always be for the greater good, on other cases, it is only to feign the innocence of the messenger.

Playing stupid or ignorant is not at all an act of goodwill. You are robbing people of their ability to reap a better future. To hold information especially when the delivery is necessary, is to be selfish. If we are to receive a message, truth and/or a knowledge, it is our responsibility to be able to communicate it to the right recipient in truth and love.

Too much truth will communicate severity and too much love will send matters unsettled.

Similar to a pipe, we need to channel these knowledge to the required destination as processed with our filters. If the pipe chooses to clog and fail to serve its purpose, don’t be too surprised when matters bursts out of control.

I hope and pray that before things get too late, that you’re able to fulfill your mission, messenger. But if it gets too late, that you do not feign innocence, because when the time comes to bury the dead, you were actually one of the people digging their grave.

Creating Good Content

Content is everywhere, and most probably, majority part of your day, you’re consuming it.

I’ve made it a goal ever since to create good content — and by good content I meant not just telling about my days or epiphanies but something that I will be proud of to go back and encouraged even just 1 person to be better. Though lately, I couldn’t bring myself to make a good one, I wondered: why?

August was an extremely weird month for me because it’s a month where I broke my habits for the worse. I stopped reading, taking cold showers and indulged on mindless entertainment. It felt good, but it felt surviving with just the face above water.

Getting back to Audible and holding a book feels like waking up from a good dream, a dream but an escape. I shifted back into a world where who I am matters, and what I am determines who I will be. That’s when I realized, I was going nowhere on the rate on what I was doing. I got back into reading books, books that interested me rather than just for the sake of finishing, and lo and behold, I got an idea what to write.

I guess this post is just to remind all of us: What we put it in is what we get out. If you find yourself stuck in a rut, maybe you’re consuming waste of people. Comedy might be entertaining once in awhile but if you treat it like a drug it will dumb you down. I’ve been back to reading published and recommended books about marketing, self-help and leadership. Goes to say I once again been energized to go into the world a better man each day.

To create good content, you need to consume good content. In the end, you will always mix all the wisdom you learn with your words and experiences, and that is what will tailor a message to a different audience. That is what will give you a fresh advocacy to work with in each project.

Learning How to Forgive

You see, this picture of the board which I haven’t touched for a year now had memory markings on it. Marks of the childish personality, love for fun, stupidity and random ideas of whose I used to love. Now, as I work in this spot once more, I have stripped this board with all the lines it holds just because some of it make me remember being betrayed.

You should never hate yourself for hating others who do terrible things: the depth of your love is shown by the extent of your anger.

– Desmond Tutu

It’s been a roller coaster ride for months now, for those that are wondering and haven’t caught up, I was just going through a break up. Although I wasn’t in full agreement to go our separate ways as I am a firm believer of adapting to circumstances and compromising with your partner, the opposite party was adamant it had to be done. So, I complied with some hesitation. It was fine, I really accepted there was a loss of spell in that period, it was dry and surviving. I would’ve been happy till the clues piled up and data points and blatantly spelled a different reason.

But enough about that, all you have to know at this point is it hurts to give everything to someone only to be replaced like trash. I’ve been betrayed by a friend, disappointed by my family but I’ve never felt more hurt to be given future to look forward to only for it to disappear not because the spark was gone, but the spark was given to someone else.

These days have been a struggle, I’m seeing that the 3 years I was given wasn’t all romantic, driven and pursuant as I have thought it was. It was seductive, complacent and striving. There was a disconnect on words vs. actions. It’s not how it started that matters, but how it ended.

To forgive is not just to be altruistic. It is the best form of self-interest. It is also a process that does not exclude hatred and anger. These emotions are all part of being human. You should never hate yourself for hating others who do terrible things: the depth of your love is shown by the extent of your anger.

However, when I talk of forgiveness I mean the belief that you can come out the other side a better person. A better person than the one being consumed by anger and hatred. Remaining in that state locks you in a state of victimhood, making you almost dependent on the perpetrator. If you can find it in yourself to forgive then you are no longer chained to the perpetrator.

-Desmond Tutu on Forgiveness

I’ve been told that signs of being unfaithful are: you should be able to break up without remorse, you should have recovered fast from a breakup without a timespan to mourn, you would be happy immediately and of course, have someone right away. All these straight from the horse’s mouth.

I’m still not over it, It’s been months and I still have fits for anger, “what ifs” and low moments randomly, but if you look at the other party, it took less than a week to be better than ever. Suspicious? Yes. I was bitter that I couldn’t be better. It’s been months and I would still be mad that of all the things I gave, it wasn’t enough. It was ruining me and everyone around me because of my mood swings.

I’d always say that “I’ve forgiven”, but I’d still be furious when triggered about our story. “I’ve forgiven” but I wish he’d be hit by a car and most of all “I’ve forgiven” but the physical tokens left on my life still crushes me to this point.

In order for forgiveness to happen, something has to die. If you make a choice to forgive, you have to face the pain. You simply have to hurt.

-Joe as Quoted by Brené Brown

Maybe I’m still in denial we’re over, that all of the things I gave: time, money and effort have gone to a complete stranger from hereon out. I’m trickling all the pain down, taking each drop of poison as a bitter sting to my soul and senses. I wanted the past to live, the good version of our story but I guess not anymore, I’m facing the fire, I’m letting who we were die today. I’m choosing to be hurt that it did happen, this is what has become and I accept that not all people who seem good are good.

The first step in solving a problem is to recognize that it does exist.

-Zig Ziglar

Breakups will heighten your emotions. And emotions is going to turn your world upside down, you will always seem to be moving but most of the time not in the direction you desire, not in the direction of healing most of all. Being emotional takes more effort to move in the right direction, it always takes active participation to get into a destination you wish, which is being better. This time, with this posting, I make that decision, I will strive to be better.

I’ve never promised an answer on how to forgive, but I hope by staying with me you learned how. Although, from how understood it’s never instant, it’s a process but going through it makes you see that the wound wasn’t that big and hurts can be treated with the right care. The most painful part of it is the denial of reality, that the bad didn’t happen, it was a mistake and everything was supposed to be good.

Shit happened because of their selfishness, let’s get over it.

Forgiveness is not forgetting or walking away from accountability or condoning a hurtful act, its a process of taking back and healing our lives so we can truly live.

-Brené Brown

If you’re hurting or betrayed, it’s not easy to let go but do let go. It’s gripping on a mirror of truth and hoping that they’d see reality with their backs turned against us. They won’t, not at this time and not while we’re shoving it to them. Their truth is how they perceive it and what benefits them. People don’t like stories that paints them on the bad light no matter how factual it is. On the other hand, there’s no better time to work on what we can control, it’s time to let go. We need that reflection as much as they don’t want it. Let the mirror turn and face us: remind us of what we have, what we are and what is because not all is lost. Forgiveness after all, does not avoid pain but acknowledges hurt and choosing to move on with the experience to be part of our history.

Skills, Structures and Habits

One of the trending ideals in this extreme liberal ideology era is to “find yourself.” While I’m not going to discredit being unique, there is a study that it’s rarely because you’re born as one.

It’s not bad at all to make yourself to be one, that is of course one of the highest aspirations worth pursuing. The greatest threat to that goal is to consider yourself one while half-baked. Just because all baked breads are golden on top and you’re not doesn’t require acknowledgement. Do not flaunt a point wherein everybody passed to but never stopped to bask in.

Stagnation in this life is a weakness.

A great heartbreak in this age of technology is not not knowing how, but being mediocre on skills you’re interested on that some have mastered. Being highly skilled becomes a puzzle in which when people couldn’t figure out how, they excuse it as talent for birth to adulthood. While talent does boost interest, it is practice that makes the expert.

If you’re wondering why you’re not up there, maybe you’re stayed too long in being just good. Comfort after all is the greatest enemy of mastery and the highway to comfort is removing structure and taking pleasure everything you desire as possible.

The excuse of “This is me” is the common mistake against growth and expertise. No one likes to hear that excuse in any context. If you want it, you will strive for it. If you see it as important, you will integrate it into you’re life.

This is why habits are key and necessary. It’s easy to indulge yourself, it’s our instinct to do so. Waking up and opening Facebook or Instagram is being done by millions of individuals with a smartphone. What’s not natural is to go against your urges and fulfill goals first.

What Goals?

Well there should be small and big ones. Small ones entail improving discipline with tasks that could be done in a few minutes such as fixing the bed, drinking vitamins and being thankful. And big ones are most probably composed of stepping stones for your dreams or skills that could stretch for months and even years. While the big ones are what’s going to determine your future, the small ones are what’s going to make you achieve it. Never discredit one over the other.

The habitual goals can be something you enjoy but must always benefit you with repeated performance. Eating ice cream for dinner every week is a bad example for one. Studying experts and asking mentors is one of the best ways to go about it, remember it’s not what the champion does in the ring that makes him win, it’s the things he did before entering that determines it. Appreciate the process more than the result.